Relationship Rehab: Man’s sex shock after wife cheating

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a couple who hardly have sex after getting back together, what to do if you’re having sex dreams about a co-worker and a person curious to know if they’re asexual.

I FORGAVE MY WIFE FOR CHEATING AND NOW WE HARDLY HAVE SEX

QUESTION: My wife and I have been together for 19 years now and have four young kids. Our relationship has been a rocky one. My wife cheated eight years ago with an old flame, but we got back together and smoothed things over. In the bedroom things are quiet. Like extremely quiet. We’ve had sex three times this year, which simply isn’t enough for me. That’s been the trend pretty much for the last 15 years. I still try to make the time at least once a week but get constantly rejected. I know we need help, but whenever I try to talk to my wife about getting help I encounter a brick wall and fire and fury. How can I approach my wife to get help without starting a fight and actually get her to follow through without resentment?

ANSWER: Although you managed to ‘smooth things over’ following her infidelity, it sounds like there’s a lot going on under the surface that hasn’t been fully addressed.

Making time for sex once a week is a really helpful idea to ensure that intimacy between you happens, but it only works if you’re both on board with the idea. I feel for you – it’s challenging to feel like you’re constantly being rejected. It’s also understandable that you want more intimacy in your relationship than you’re currently having.

I agree with your assessment that you need help. A good couples therapist and sexologist can give you practical tools to communicate more effectively, strengthen your relationship and address your sexual challenges.

Based on your description of a ‘rocky relationship’ I suspect there are relationship factors that need to be dealt with before you can adequately address her sexual desire levels – or her desire to have sex with you.